I tucked my sweet little girl under her covers last night.
"Can I have a hundred dollars?"
Thoughts begin running through my mind. She just turned 7. She can't have a drug habit -- she doesn't even like to take Tylenol. Surely she doesn't owe a bookie for a gambling debt. What on earth could a 7 year old want $100 for (that doesn't involve a Nintendo gaming system)? I mean, if you shop Old Navy on the right day, her entire back to school wardrobe doesn't even cost that much.
I kept the rant in my head and opted to merely ask, "For what?"
Ahh, the Scholastic Book Fair is this week in the school library. All books are half price. There's one about dinosaurs. One about cats. One about something else, and they're all must haves on her list. I was happy to hear she'd passed up the Pokemon guide because she has so many of them anyway.
Oh, and Jalyn got a noodle eraser. They look like swim noodles but are much smaller because a swim noodle would be difficult to erase with. And some other kid got a guy that when you squeeze his belly, his eyes bulge out. And there are posters and bookmarks, too. Some kid got those. And pencils.
"I figure I'll need about a hundred dollars to get it all," she said...seriously.
"I'll give you money tomorrow for the book fair, but it won't be a hundred dollars."
"Well, what am I supposed to do about all the other stuff I want?"
"You could get a job."
"I'm too little to work. You've already told me that."
"I said you're too little to work at McDonald's. (The one on Pine Street never gets her order right and she wants to work there to show them how easy it would be) You had a job working for me but never would do it? Remember my website? All you had to do was wear the leg warmers and let me take your picture."
"Okay. Go get 'em."
"No way. That offer's over. It's summery now. No one wants to think about leg warmers."
Sigh. "Can't you make something else I can wear for the website?"
"No. It's done. I can't work on any of that until this summer."
"People need tote bags in the summer. You could make a tote bag and I could hold it for a picture."
"Go to sleep."
This morning we were all in the living room before leaving for work and school. I slid her book fair money in an envelope and gave it to her. She told me I'd shorted her. I'd have to add some more money for it to be a hundred. I heard Jim choking on his breakfast sandwich. I told her to make do, and that was it.
In the car I explained that The NED Show would have an assembly today. It's one of those self-esteem, make good choices things. They sell crap souvenirs. So I told her I had not given her money to buy a plastic yo yo from The Ned Show. My fear is that every other kid will show up to buy one and she'll be an outcast. So, I explained to her that I checked out the merchandise online and it was all crap.
"But don't say crap at school. I don't think you're supposed to."
"How about 'suckish?' Can I say you said the yo yos are suckish?"
"Hm. I doubt suckish is good for school either. So, don't say crap or suckish."
So, we decided on "jank." Tell them your mom said their yo yos are jank.
I'm leaving to pick her up now. Taking a U-Haul for the book fair merchandise and hoping there's no letter from the principal explaining that "jank" is also not appropriate for school.