Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Did I yell something about fishing lures in the doctor's office?

I'm usually pretty good about remembering what I say. I'm having particular trouble this time recalling how loudly I said something.

We were in Dr. P's office yesterday, flipping through all the Bass Master magazines in the lobby. Syd was fascinated with the lures and wanted to go buy some when we left the doctor. My first response was no. We don't need any. We don't even have fishing poles.

But when we got into the examining room that changed. The nurse left to get the strep test (i.e. the big long q-tip that gets rammed down your throat) and I knew I had to act fast.

"You're going to have a throat q-tip. If you are a big girl, we'll go get a fishing lure when we leave here." I was confident that worked.

Her hands immediately clamped over her mouth. How could she scream and wail like that with hands covering her mouth? Maybe she'll grow up to be a ventriloquist. Or maybe just an adult with a horrid fear of long q-tips.

Anyway, the nurse comes in and the fight begins. I tried to be calm. Really. I did. At one point I said, "You've lost that fishing lure. Do you want to lose TV for the night, too?"

I think I said it. Maybe I yelled it. I hope not. What kind of mom bribes their kid with bait with dangerous hooks then shouts it for medical professionals to hear?

The doctor came in and seemed a little amused. He mentioned that he heard "the gnashing of teeth" and I began to wonder if it was hers or mine. We got through the appointment and he didn't say anything else about the commotion.

So, we got out to the car and I once again explained how important it is to be still for those types of tests. I told her when I was a kid, we didn't have that kind of easy test for strep throat. She got a little emotional when she said, "I wish I'd been born back in the olden times."

You know. Back before scrunchees and liquid soap.

If you are a rep from Johnson & Johnson, I don't want a letter from you stating that I used Q-tip in the wrong form. That's why I didn't capitalize it. You people have got to realize that you are the industry standard in cotton swabs and normal people in normal homes don't ever write "cotton swabs" on their store lists. We all write q-tips. My daughter's aversion to the "long q-tip" has nothing to do with the standard of your product, which we use all the time at home. I may be jumping the gun on this, but after receiving hate mail from the "resealable plastic bag" people one time, I'm a little antsy.

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