Sunday, August 1, 2010

If Paula Deen ruled the world

It's been established here that my husband thinks Paula Deen is the devil and he and the kiddo enjoy poking fun at me because I like Paula.

"What's not to like?"

"She looks plastic," Jim offers. "If she's plastic that means she has no soul...because she traded it to the devil for food fame."

"I just think her eyes look creepy," Syd said.

I went into my Paula-Deen-is-an-Overcomer speech. When I finished, Jim offered a new claim:

"I'm telling you. Paula Deen wants to rule the world. She'll put numbers on all our foreheads and will make us her slaves."

Syd was in the back seat laughing. It got me to thinking...

I'd love to live in a world ruled by Paula Deen. People who needed a job would be put to work in her restaurant or in one of many other projects, like developing cookware, cookbooks, etc. And she'd be all, "Hon, you're not gonna get a check for a couple of weeks so you just bring your wife and younguns down to the restaurant for meals until then. And be sure to take some bread, eggs and milk home with you when you leave. And here. Take this pecan pie. I'll eat the whole thing if you don't take it out of here."

With domestic issues lined out, she'd be all over foreign policy. "Now, listen here, President Hamid Karzai, I am not leaving my folks here during Thanksgiving and Christmas. They're going to all go home with their families to enjoy a traditional dinner with a turkey cooked just right, so I want you to figure out how your gonna handle this mess on your own. Here's a gooey cake. I always think better with a big ol' piece of gooey cake."

Hmmm. A world ruled by Paula Deen doesn't seem so bad to me.


  1. And butter. More people could have jobs as dairy farmers and workers, because Paula would demand more butter. Sounds awesome.

  2. Butter is always good. Wait, should that be "butter is better?" Maybe. But yes, Paula would demand butter. Good point, Lana!